tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3570843285923755385.post1244466009390410134..comments2023-09-29T09:18:38.933-04:00Comments on Bent on Books: Editing ‘As’ and ‘ing’ Phrases--a post by GemmaJenny Benthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12744171500436166262noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3570843285923755385.post-91342232826225627702015-11-10T07:06:07.736-05:002015-11-10T07:06:07.736-05:00Good to hear your thoughts on this topic.Good to hear your thoughts on this topic.Gerald Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06243407480907587543noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3570843285923755385.post-24908342969855386552013-06-09T23:58:43.821-04:002013-06-09T23:58:43.821-04:00Much appreciated stylistic advice! Us emerging aut...Much appreciated stylistic advice! Us emerging authors (myself included) don't always know which stylistic faux pas to look out for, so our revisions aren't as strong as they could be. I'll be sure to look out for excessive use of "as" and "-ing" in my work.<br /><br />Thank you for the post, Gemma.AlexSanderV3https://www.blogger.com/profile/11609082119939068556noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3570843285923755385.post-32111776278001978172013-06-08T23:02:56.679-04:002013-06-08T23:02:56.679-04:00Love this post. It's a very helpful reminder o...Love this post. It's a very helpful reminder on how we can easily strengthen our writing.Cherylhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03470069911115912344noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3570843285923755385.post-19661929837870602502013-05-30T11:07:11.708-04:002013-05-30T11:07:11.708-04:00Keep these posts coming. I'm always up for mor...Keep these posts coming. I'm always up for more editorial advice. And I like that the spider was also scared:)middle grade ninjahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15132043736808253237noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3570843285923755385.post-14152548865230604482013-05-29T22:25:09.523-04:002013-05-29T22:25:09.523-04:00Loved this. So interesting. My critique group was ...Loved this. So interesting. My critique group was just talking about this very thing today. Thanks!<br />Ronda Gibb Hinrichsenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03504581218342122865noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3570843285923755385.post-25151826788579652922013-05-26T17:26:58.839-04:002013-05-26T17:26:58.839-04:00I take out 90% of 'as' and 'ing' p...I take out 90% of 'as' and 'ing' phrases during the first edit, then put about 25% of them back again in subsequent edits. It's a question of balance, as with everything.<br /><br />Good post. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02658858373848443540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3570843285923755385.post-35284254903282162082013-05-26T14:13:02.409-04:002013-05-26T14:13:02.409-04:00Both are showing. The difference is one is a verb ...Both are showing. The difference is one is a verb and the other an adjective. Nouns and verbs are strong, adjectives and adverbs are weaker. 'dashed' is a verb. 'Dashing over to her bookshelf' is a participle phrase acting as an adjective, that modifies the pronoun 'she'.<br /><br />There's also a suggestion of the problem that the Turkey City Lexicon (google it) calls 'not simultaneous'. The writer is trying to make the character do too many things at once, in a misguided attempt to speed up the action. The participle implies continuing action. How can the character be dashing out of a room and pull a book down from a bookcase in another room at the same time?<br /><br />I had this problem a lot when I started writing fiction. It's very tempting, because the novice writer thinks it makes their prose more active and immediate. It doesn't, it actually makes the prose weaker and more awkward, but that has to be learned.John Schoffstallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13497253286397133681noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3570843285923755385.post-30434277858178948302013-05-26T05:06:18.599-04:002013-05-26T05:06:18.599-04:00It's all about the verbs isn't it? Thanks ...It's all about the verbs isn't it? Thanks Gemma, great demo.Jan Carrhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11335419896028312596noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3570843285923755385.post-54877427970743717182013-05-25T13:30:06.451-04:002013-05-25T13:30:06.451-04:00Gemma, very helpful indeed.
In the midst of ‘ano...Gemma, very helpful indeed. <br /><br />In the midst of ‘another’ rewrite of a resurrected 82,000 word novel I wrote seven years ago, I did a ‘find’ yesterday on every ‘ing’ in the book. OMG<br />I considered taking up knitting but opted to continue one last time in respect for my effort.<br />Carolynnwith2Nshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18394998702410764388noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3570843285923755385.post-37060652740714788882013-05-25T05:40:12.025-04:002013-05-25T05:40:12.025-04:00If I don't pay attention, I'll overuse as,...If I don't pay attention, I'll overuse as, so much that I won't notice until I read it over (and, boy, is it a lot). I try to make mental notes for the next time I sit down and write. I do the same thing with like. However, I've gotten better. :D<br /><br />Until I forget to pay attention and the cycle starts all over.Aemilia Gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14219145295265995957noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3570843285923755385.post-25646412636199750542013-05-25T05:15:31.067-04:002013-05-25T05:15:31.067-04:00I don't see this as a show don't tell exam...I don't see this as a show don't tell example, and 'she dashed' is a strong action line. SDT is more things like 'he was cold' being replaced with 'he shivered'. Or 'he felt sick' replaced with 'his stomach churned'. Or 'he hated children' being replaced with some dialogue and a scene showing his hatred of children. <br /><br />Often people add, 'In her panic, she dashed...'but the action shows that she is doing it in a panic so it's not really needed. 'She dashed' is also much stronger than 'she walked quickly'. <br /><br />Hope this helps!Gemma Cooperhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08614433692914150518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3570843285923755385.post-63506718418063187032013-05-24T21:47:02.558-04:002013-05-24T21:47:02.558-04:00‘She dashed over to her bookshelf’ is stronger and...‘She dashed over to her bookshelf’ is stronger and more in the moment than ‘Dashing over to her bookshelf.’ <br /><br />I'm confused.<br /><br />Isn't ‘She dashed over to her bookshelf' telling, and ‘Dashing over to her bookshelf.’ showing.<br /><br />How would you 'show' without the ing.<br />Carolynnwith2Nshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18394998702410764388noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3570843285923755385.post-80992720790677253432013-05-24T12:42:07.196-04:002013-05-24T12:42:07.196-04:00Zounds and Gadzooks, love this post. I'm sort ...Zounds and Gadzooks, love this post. I'm sort of the "ing" police at critique group. <br /><br />Elizabeth Bunce, the first recipient of the Morris award for <i>A Curse Dark as Gold</i>, broke me of the nasty habit. Makes an immediate improvement in anyone's WIP.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3570843285923755385.post-87583983675413231862013-05-24T11:26:13.205-04:002013-05-24T11:26:13.205-04:00Informative and entertaining post. Love it! Informative and entertaining post. Love it! Carmen DeSousahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08835462755654747169noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3570843285923755385.post-22218544541001862442013-05-24T09:39:27.171-04:002013-05-24T09:39:27.171-04:00Great post. One of my most overused verbs used to ...Great post. One of my most overused verbs used to be 'was' that often led into the 'ing' words. Was is a lazy verb.Karen Baldwinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01522178275164058849noreply@blogger.com